...Kids are quick...

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

_______________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am "

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

Walk quickly

My eldest two children will be joining my mother-in-law in North Carolina for an extended vacation this summer. They're really looking forward to hiking as part of that trip. My mother-in-law lives about 1-1/2 mile from the Appalachian Trail and has hiked quite a bit of it. It's taken her a lot longer than this, and she's not finished the whole thing yet, but if you think it'd be interesting to hike the whole thing, but are too much of a couch potato or just haven't made the time yet and want to see what you're missing, Kevin Gallagher has something to show you. :-)

Wired Magazine has an interesting article about his adventures, but in a nutshell, he hiked the whole trail and took 24 shots a day over his six-month-long trek and stitched them into a really cool video. As cool and beautiful as this video is, it really doesn't do the Trail justice. It's just something to whet your appetite until you can experience it for yourself. Enjoy.

Life is 'Baeutiful'

All kinds of nasty things that take place daily all over the world. All kinds of nasty things are printed in the newspapers (yeah, they do still print those) and on news websites everyday. Every once in a while, it's nice to forget about the real world and imagine (or remember) the good in the world. The Daily Good site helps you do just that. It shares stories and posts like this one reprinted below:

DailyGood: Life is 'Baeutiful'

Do you remember the name of your kindergarden teacher? I do, mine. Her name was Mrs White. And I remember thinking she must be some older relation of Walt Disney's Snow White, because she had the same bright blue eyes, short dark hair, red lips and fair skin.

I don't remember much about what we learned in her class, but my mother once told me that we used to write a lot. And I would bring back what I wrote and she would look at it and see there were so many mistakes. But no red corrections. And always a star. Sometimes even a Good! scrawled in that would make my heart soar with happiness. But it worried my mother, so one day when she went in to meet Mrs White for one of those Parent-Teacher meetings, she asked her why she never corrected my mistakes. Why she never red-pencilled in the right spellings of words or pointed out grammatical errors.

And my mother says Mrs White said-The children are just beginning to get excited about using words, about forming sentences. I don't want to dampen that enthusiasm with red ink. Spelling and grammar can wait. The wonder of words won't... And maybe she didn't say it Exactly like that. It was a long time ago. And what my mother gave me was the gist of what she could remember. The rest I added in. Because I grew up learning to use words with loving confidence like that.

And it occurs to me that if Mrs White had used her red pen more precisely I probably wouldn't be telling you about this now. Which is kind of obvious but also kind of not. I look back now and think she must have been a rather extraordinary teacher- to exercise such red-pen-restraint. To allow the joy, wonder and excitement of expression flower- however faultily- like that. Because to bloom is better than not to bloom. And a bud once nipped never opens. May we all be so kind...

I used to misspell beautiful a lot. Never could quite remember that the e went before the a. It exasperated my teacher in high school no end. If I was going to employ the word with such lavishness she figured the least I could do was spell it right. Eventually the e's and a's settled into their right places of their own accord. Am glad I didn't wait on them though. Pretty is easier to spell but it doesn't hold as much as you mean sometimes.

And thanks to Mrs White I had no qualms about writing what I meant even if couldn't quite spell it out. Because Life isn't Pretty. It's Baeutiful.

Thank you to all of you Mrs. (and Mr.) Whites out there that have influenced me and my children or anyone else and allowed us to express ourselves to the world around us.

Japan Aid Projects: Posters, prints, shirts and more

There are many organizations out there seeking support for the people of Japan who have suffered through the effects of their recent earthquake and tsunami. There are many eye-catching items available at the This is Colossal site that reference the aid request and generally commemorate, if that's the right word for a disaster, the event. This is one of my favorites; very understated, but powerful.

Is this what we sound like?!

Crack pot

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

So, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Open up

Only those with eyes wide open can see the miracles of life everyday.

Laugh for today

Another view of Mother Nature's power

We've all been focusing on water's destructive forces recently, but Nature holds another source of unfathomable power as well. In this case the power is also pretty beautiful (since I was no where near where it connected). Click the image below...

Earth shakes

In the days leading up to the devastating earthquake in Japan, the region suffered MANY, MANY, MANY tremors. Earthquakes are quite usual for the region, and thankfully Japan was probably the most prepared for the recent quake of any country, or things could have, believe it or not, been oh so much worse.

Take a quick minute and see all of the earthquakes that lead up to (and after) the big one. It's hard to believe that the large quake was only a little over a week ago.

Accidental discovery

Maybe I'm the last to notice this, I'm rarely the first, but tonight I was watching a video on YouTube and had to pause it for a moment. Meaning to scroll the page down to read the comments, I hit the cursor down key. Instead of scrolling down though, the little rotating circle on the video turned into a game of Snake! Hitting left, right, up and down I could steer the snake in an attempt to run over a single flashing dot, somewhere on the video screen. Hit that dot and the snake grows longer. Not sure how long it's been there or if it works on other sites with the same rotation icon while loading videos, but I thought it was a cool little Easter Egg to find tonight.

Spooky!

Happy Pi Day!

Boys will be boys....

I hate watching American Idol with my sons. We can't get through a song by Pia Toscano without them rolling on the floor laughing about her name. Too bad. They're missing a great singer. I, on the other hand, can rewind the DVR later :-)

I thought Thea Megia was gonna be the one to make them laugh.

White Collar Welfare...

I've been trying to find the right way to write about this. Then, the other day, out of the blue, I got it. What is "White Collar Welfare"? As described by a co-worker, it's the process of a bunch of white collar workers generating busy work for a bunch of other white collar workers who in turn need the assistance of others and in the end, it's just a bunch of busy work to keep them all employed.

I am often dumbfounded by this whole process. There is sooooo much stuff that we do, just to do it. Not because there is any real value in it. Not because something will change because we did it. Not because someone will be more the wiser because of our work. Not because something will be better, faster, stronger, cheaper. We do it just to do it. Well, that, and because some superior told us to.

And yet, when it comes to real work - the work that WILL make things better, cheaper, faster, stronger, more secure... there's no support for that kind of work.

There are certain "standards" in industry that exemplify this "white collar welfare" perfectly. It's all about documentation. It's all about standard processes and practices. Yet none of the "standards" really work in industry. And yet, they are forced upon the company by some probably well-meaning executive with no footing in the real world. It complicates the job the workers are trying to accomplish, creates additional paperwork and drudgery and meetings up the wazoo, and for what? Nothing really changes, because after all of the work is done, everything goes back to the way it was.

What happened to just doing what needs to be done? To not needing a 16x48 cell spreadsheet to know who was Responsible, Accountable, Informed and whatever that C stands for. What did we do before the letters I, T, I and L were all stuck together? Or those before those guys in DC, Sarbanes and his buddy Oxley decided that ALL of us in business needed to be sentenced to death by paperwork for the grievous acts of a few idiots. The laws were already in place. They were broken. Punish them, not us. Are we any better off, or is unemployment just a little less.

Innovation is stifled by unwieldy processes and documentation. There is so much in the way of getting things done that nothing gets done. Common Sense, even Business Sense, has taken a back seat to Process 5.6.32.a.7 subsection 37b.9. Progress is hindered by the need to write a 500-page proposal and fill out for TP-8675309 before making a change to fix a spelling mistake found in Process 5.6.32.a.7 subsection 37b.9. Real work is subjugated by White Collar Welfare. Such is the life we life. :-(

Safety Check

My car was in the shop -- again :-( -- yesterday and I got a ride home from a co-worker much earlier than usual. This meant that there was no car in the driveway to give away my presence to my daughter when she came home. My "mother-of-the-year" wife and I conspired to take advantage of that fact and surprise her with a little test.

When I got home I hid upstairs in my bedroom. When she came home I started walking around a bit, creaking the floor. She walked to the base of the bedroom stairs and called the cat's name. When the creaking stopped at her call, and no cat came running, she decided to head back downstairs. I creaked a bit more for emphasis and then waited.

After a few more moments, when I didn't hear anything I started to get concerned that all of our discussions may be paying off and she was downstairs calling 911. I started screaming as I went running down the stairs. I made it down about 5 steps before she yelled, "DA-AD!" She was downstairs in the kitchen on the phone with Mom.

After a bit more of a lecture about scaring her, she called Mom back and told her that it was me who was in the house (though she already knew).

I discussed with my daughter that the right thing to have done would have been to go immediately back outside before calling Mom ... not to trap herself in the kitchen with no escape. Lesson learned. Safely... I told her next time it wouldn't be me, so she should act accordingly.

When my wife took the kids shopping when they were young and had her friend with her, they talked about (and did?) have her friend sneak up behind one of the kids and take them down another aisle. They used that opportunity to discuss the need to stay with Mom as they were shopping and not lag behind her. Again, safely, but it got the message across.

Do your kids know what to do in cases like these? You don't need to go to such extremes as these, but please take a moment and make sure that they know what to do when scared, etc. Take a moment and talk about Stranger Danger and the tricks that they use (including looking for lost pets, etc to lure them closer to the car, asking for directions, etc). They are never too young to start the conversations, but remember to keep them age appropriate and update them and re-discuss them as they grow older. Make sure to include the Internet bad guys in your discussions as well nowadays. Teach them to never use their real name, never give out address or phone number, never talk to (chat, email, etc) anyone that they don't (and YOU don't) know.

Take a few moments today, tomorrow or at least this week and protect your kids.

See National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

Backed into a corner

When someone asks you if the glass is half empty or half full... just tell them that the glass is just the wrong size :-)

(...and pray they don't ask you if the glass should be larger or smaller)

Are you British?

Being an arrogant American who knows nothing about the rest of the world ('cuz they don't matter anyway), and having already completed the 5th grade, I really had no idea it was so complicated to live in England. Or is it the UK... oh well. At least I know that there are 46, er um, 50 United States in this, the Greatest Land on Earth. :-)

Mine just sit there :-(

Sight to see

Caught a little Thundersnow last night! Not exactly a double rainbow, but cool nonetheless. I think this was the first time that I've actually seen/heard thundersnow. All of that coolness was overshadowed by the 10-12 inches of snow that accompanied it though. Didn't make for a nice Monday...

President's Day Lesson

How many of these do you remember?

Night Life?

"It's when the sky is darkest that you can see the stars."
Battlefield, Jordan Sparks

Heart of a Teacher

Every so often, I find a story that truly inspires me - one that makes me cry or laugh, and one that makes me think. Simple Truths is just one place to receive this type of story. Here's one that I caught recently. Check Simple Truths yourself (and maybe even sign up for their newsletter) and see what inspires you...

An Excerpt from

The Heart of a Teacher,

by Paula Fox

He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary's School in Morris, Minnesota. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, he had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful.

Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving. "Thank you for correcting me, Sister!" I didn't know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day.

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice teacher's mistake. I looked at Mark and said, "If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!" It wasn't ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking again." I hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it. I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened my drawer and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark's desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me, Sister."

At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior-high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the "new math," he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he had in third. One Friday, things just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were frowning, frustrated with themselves and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a good weekend." That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" I heard whispered. "I never knew that meant anything to anyone! I didn't know others liked me so much." No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another again.

That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me the usual questions about the trip, the weather, my experiences in general. There was a lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply said, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. "The Eklunds called last night," he began. "Really?" I said. "I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is." Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed in Vietnam," he said. "The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend." To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark.

I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was, "Mark, I would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me." The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water. I was the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. I keep it in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved our lists." That's when I finally sat down and cried. I cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late."

Thanks to all of you who have inspired me!

When there's nothing else to do...

THIS is how to deal with the recent snowfall!

Letter Order Unimportant

Snopes still has this listed as undetermined, but it's interesting nonetheless.

"Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteres are at the rghit pclae."

It's a good thing too. When I type messages at work on our instant messaging client I type close to 100 words a minute. Well, more accurately, close to 100 partial words a minute. Sometimes those partial partial words are the letters at the beginning of words, other times they're at the end. When I'm typing an email, I have the luxury of of AutoCorrect for things like 'teh,' 'nad', 'jsut', and a lot of others that my fingers type a little faster than I can control them.

When I'm typing emails (or instant messages to my manager) I tend to correct the misspellings (those little red lines under my letters drive me nuts), but, sorry co-workers, I generally haven't bothered to correct the chats. I think that the difference is the expectation of real-time communication when chatting. You need to get the response quickly in order to move the conversation along. With emails, you expect a delay in the response.

Whether Snopes ever proves this true or not, I think that my co-workers are evidence that the human brain can understand even my nonsensical typing :-)...

Squirrels and nuts!

Less time on the web...

Click here

Did you hear?

A couple of weeks ago, there was an instance reported in the press of thousands of bird deaths all at the same time, all in the same area. Speculation for the deaths at the time ranged from fireworks, to weather phenomenon, to signs from God. It must have been a slow news week, because the media became obsessed with this particular news item. Suddenly, every day brought a new batch of mass deaths of everything from ducks to crabs, to fish, to whatever.

Then the news started reporting that this was a normal occurrence and it happens all the time. Suddenly it was a non-story. Or was it?

Green Grass

The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be. -- Robert Fulghum

Cry Fowl

From the Internet :-)


Ducks Quack , Eagles Fly

Years ago, my friend, Harvey Mackay, told me a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.

He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey.

He handed my friend a laminated card and said: “I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.” Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said:

Wally's Mission Statement: “To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.”

This blew Harvey away, especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, “Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.” My friend said jokingly, “No, I'd prefer a soft drink.” Wally smiled and said, “No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice.” Almost stuttering, Harvey said, “I'll take a Diet Coke.” Handing him his drink, Wally said, “If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.”

As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card. “These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.”

And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.

“Tell me, Wally,” my amazed friend asked the driver, “have you always served customers like this?”

Wally smiled into the rearview mirror. “No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day. He had just written a book called ‘You’ll See It When You Believe It’. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, ‘Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.’

“That hit me right between the eyes,” said Wally. “Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.”

“I take it that has paid off for you,” Harvey said. “It sure has,” Wally replied. “My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.”

Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.

Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice… He decided to stop quacking like the ducks and start soaring like the eagles.

No one can make you serve customers well. You make the choice. That's because great service is a choice.

Inspirational quotes

I've been collecting quotes for a long time. It's interesting to read back through those that I haven't sorted yet to get a chronological glimpse into my mood at any point in time. Regardless of my situation in life, inspirational quotes always seemed to find a place in my collection. Maybe I needed some inspiration at the time, or maybe I thought someone else could benefit from some...

Zig Ziglar has a number of items in my collection. The Excel Addict recently shared this collection / movie of his quotes.

Inspriation 365 Day a Year Movie | Simple Truths

Is it over yet?

Christmas is a time for family, for religious reflection, for food, for charity, and a time to witness the joy as children (and others) unwrap their presents. For the past several years though, I just haven't been able to get into the Christmas spirit.

Maybe it's the lack of a wintery wonderland that I associate with Christmas from my childhood. Maybe it's the commercialism that's become worse and worse each year as retailers remove the calendar gap between selling fireworks for the 4th of July and selling toys and electronics aimed at the Christmas buyers. Maybe it's because I refuse to listen to Christmas music until AFTER Thanksgiving as opposed to when we get home from trick-or-treating (as one local radio station would have us do). Maybe it's the chaotic scheduling around having a split family with siblings and extended family on both sides to find time to share presence with. Maybe it's the added frustration of all the items that jump out of their hiding spots in closets and the garage once a year to make our living room feel even smaller. Maybe it's just the stress built up at work as projects try to wrap up at year-end. Maybe it's the frustration that I want to be one of those parents that buys my kids something big and flashy for Christmas, but can't afford to.

Or maybe it's something completely different. I don't know.

I enjoy the time with family (immediate and extended), some of whom I only see on holidays, but I'm really glad when I go back to work and return to a "normal" schedule.

I feel bad about feeling bad about Christmas, which just makes me feel worse. I want to get back (?) to a time where Christmas is a fun time. A time I can enjoy without regard to anything else that's going on. A time when I can release the chaos and just enjoy the moment. A time when I can stand outside on the porch with my family on Christmas Eve, look up at the sky and catch a snowflake on my tongue. A time when we all cuddle up by a fire and read 'Twas the night before Christmas and then tuck my little ones and my wife safely in bed before retiring myself in preparation for the excitement of the Christmas morn.

Maybe it's all part of parenting, of growing up, replacing the fun of Christmas with the function of Christmas. But that's not right. I don't want Christmas to be a function. I want Christmas to be a fun time -- to be a worry-free time to enjoy life and family. I want THAT as my Christmas present next year.

Bah Humbug, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours...

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Thanks for visiting over the last year. I hope that this year brings you much health and happiness.

imho

YOU SHOULD STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING

Think Google Docs is wimpy cousin to Office?

Think again!

NY Snowfall Timelapse

Now THAT's a snow storm!

December 2010 Blizzard Timelapse from Michael Black on Vimeo.

RIP Childhood Mysticism

Sorry K. :-(

Today is under construction

Today is under construction.

Merry Christmas!

A little bit of wisdom

I try to impart a little wisdom on this blog. Sometimes I'm more successful than others. When I fail and you feel that you need a little more to get through the day, feel free to check out the Bits of Wisdom site.

Selling business

In a previous job, I participated in the sales process for a software product (and service). I was a technical representative and not the actual sales person, but I was witness to a number of "bargaining sessions." There are all kinds of people buying things from a variety of companies, but in general, we're all out to optimize the value that we get for our dollar. Some people do that by buying a less expensive version of a product (that sacrifices quality), or using coupons to lower the actual cost, thus increasing the value. Others try the ol' "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" routine... and then forget on Tuesday...

While the situations expressed in this video are obviously fictitious, I have to say that I have witnessed some version of each of them over the years. I can say that I find them funny now, since I'm not in that position anymore, but had I seen this several years ago, I'm sure that I would've thought a little differently.

Excellerate your skills

I consider myself pretty good when it comes to Excel (except for that new version with that darn ribbon bar - but that's just 'cuz I've not used it yet), but I'm always looking for new tricks and short cuts and new ways to do things. As part of that search for knowledge, I subscribe to a number of email lists (and rss feeds, and magazines and just about anything else I can get my hands on). One of those lists is the Excel Addict. Written by a Canadian, eh, Francis is great at showcasing knowledge that's relevant for the novice user and even the "Excel Addict."

Here's one that I learned from this week...


A Little-Known And Pretty Neat Data Entry Trick (XL2000-XL2010)

Excel is full of surprises! Once again, I have stumbled upon something that may have been there from 'Day 1' but I never recognized it...until now.

By default, when you enter a value in a cell and press Enter, the active cell moves down. If you want to enter data that goes across the rows, instead of pressing Enter each time, you can press Tab to move one cell to the right. That's pretty easy right? But when you get to the last column and need to get back to the first column in the next row, how do YOU do it? Do you reach for the mouse then point and click the cell in the first column? Or do you use the arrow keys to move to the cell?

I remember seeing this Excel feature in the past but I never understand how it worked until now. When you press Tab to move the active cell to the right and then press Enter on the last column, Excel remembers which column you started (tabbing) from and automatically jumps one row down and back to that column.

That makes for much easier data entry when you need to enter data across and then down...as long as you remember this trick. Tab, tab, tab, tab, tab, Enter, tab, tab, tab, tab, tab, Enter, etc...

From http://www.theexceladdict.com/

If you use Excel at all, it's worth the few seconds to subscribe to this list.

The older we get....

Found this one on the Internet...

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask, "did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

What will your dash be like?

212 degrees

Those darn Europeans...

...Always moving around.

10 centuries in 5 minutes from scott lewis on Vimeo.

"Time lapse" of Europe and the endless border changes on that continent over the past 1,000 years, showing the advances of invaders, the collapse of empires, and the rise of new nations.

From Flixxy

What's wrong with education?

This guy has some very valid points...



...but how to fix it?

Ideas?

You've never heard it told this way before

The story of Jonah from Corinth Baptist Church on Vimeo.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Genealogy Humor

Disappearing car door

Let me know if you see any of these around town! Pretty cool!

But what if I don't want any cookies?

Google's Chrome browser is a very efficient browser for surfing the web. It's safe, speedy, auto updating and does just about everything I need it to. Or it did...

With the latest update they removed the ability to determine white sites are able to leave cookies. Well, that's not entirely true, but they certainly made it a lot harder to control. When I surf, I generally dislike allowing cookies unless it is required for the functionality of a site that I trust. Until recently Chrome allowed me to set all sites to prompt me for permission to leave a cookie. I'd get the alert and depending on the site, either allow all for that site, or block all for that site. As I was surfing, when I encountered a new site, I'd click a YES or a NO and that was it. It was a small extra step, but something that I felt gave me a little extra control over privacy (or the illusion of).

Now, Google has changed the options to allow all cookies or block all cookies (or "local content" as they're calling it). They allow you to set exceptions for sites as you want, but you have to go into the options menu a couple of steps and add them manually. A bit of a nuisance. Actually, enough of a nuisance that I bet they're counting on people not bothering. That's a pitty. Buzz on the Internet is that people are talking about abandoning Chrome over this one feature. I'm not sure I'm to that point yet, but I must say that this is definitely the first negative thing I've got to say about Chrome.

Google is known for making things better for us, before we even think of it. In this case I think that they over stepped the duty.

I'm hoping that Google will listen to posts like this one and all the others in the help forums, etc and give us back some control.

Women...

... are like stars -- there are millions out there, but only one can make your dreams come true.
--- Anon

I'm glad I caught my star!

Ain't that the truth...

Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
--- Katie Hanson

Do you believe?

Do you believe in the possible of the impossible?
--- Anon

Remember...

To the world you're just one person, but to one person you could mean the world.
--- Anon

Do what you're told!

Apparently, most of us will just do what we're told without questioning. For little kids, in their parent's protection, that's the best advice. In general, parents know better and act on their kid's behalf to keep them safe and train them in cultural norms. As this video shows though, most of us never break out of that paradigm and continue to blindly follow though there is no obvious reason. We are a nation of sheep, not shepherds. We have become a nation of followers and not of leaders. We live in a [psuedo-]democracy, and yet all of that is erased if we let someone else tell us how to vote. We need to break out of the yes-men style of business, and education, and finance, and invention and ask ourselves, and those that are telling us what to do..."Why?" If the answer given does not make sense, do not follow. Find a new path and lead.

People Watching Plus from Rune Madsen on Vimeo.

OK, now that I've said that... How do we do it? We have spent decades if not millenia getting our nation to where it is today. How do we turn it around? How do we change the culture embedded in our companies, our communities, our schools to let the norm be game changing and not the exception? How do we foster the atmosphere where people aren't afraid to raise their hand and ask questions, or to suggest something different, if not better, without being knocked back down into the same rut that the rest of us are in? How do we encourage people to break from the pack, find new ground and then settle and secure it? We've trained, or allowed ourselves to become so risk adverse that this great nation of ours is falling behind in every measurement imaginable - patents, wealth, health, freedom, and all of the rest.

I don't have the answer. I'm stuck behind the same financial obligations that most of the rest of you are. If I had no debt, no need to spend my time making money to pay off that debt, more time to think and act outside of the box, I'd like to think that I could be more productive to society. Maybe not, but it's a vicious circle. How I tall until I'm out from under financial control of the norm?

Got some ideas on how to fix this mess? Let me know.

Thank you!

What am I missing?

Nothing apparently.

It's been a really busy time around the house recently. One consequence is that I've not spent any time in front of the TV. Not that that's a bad thing, but I admit that it's a little different.

I used to love watching TV. I'd find TV shows that I thought sounded interesting, set them up to record on the DVR, and then when the kids and wife went up to bed, I'd sit back in the recliner and play catch up -- or try to anyway. Things got a little out of hand and I started falling behind. So I picked the show that I liked least and removed the DVR series recording.

Then I fell further behind, so I removed another. Then another. Then I finally just stopped removing them with the intention that when I did feel like watching something, there should be something there to watch.

But I've never gotten back to watch anything. Things some up -- homework to check or help with (though I love that my wife does most of this before I get home), chores to do, this and that... Time just slips away.

As the kids are back in school, there is no "screen time" (TV, or computer) during the week to avoid the temptation for them to rush through homework too quickly, so that removes the lead in to me watching it more when they go to bed.

A couple of months ago I was really geeked about a couple of shows, but I can't even tell you if they're still on or have already been cancelled. There is not a single show that I watch regularly right now. I still have the TV on in the background upstairs at night, but for the most part I don't pay any attention to it. I watch a few family shows with the kids on the weekend when time allows, but that's it. And I am surprisingly OK with that. I thought there would be some withdrawal or something.

We still record the stuff for the kids (a few cartoons and Disney shows and science shows that they like) and my wife (Grey's, etc), but I've pretty much given up...

And I'm OK with that.

Front Line

I had occasion to call my mortgage company today. I've dealt with a lot of customer service reps over the years, but something really struck me today.

I understand that in the low-paying, cost-center world of customer support, businesses are looking to save every penny that they can. Part of that may mean sending the call center overseas. Whether that's what I experienced today or not, one thing that companies need to remember is that their customers need to be able to understand the people on the other end of the line. The person I spoke to today had such a heavy Spanish (?) accent that it took two and three times of them repeating a phrase before I understood what he was saying.

I work with people in the technology field who speak many, many different languages with varying degrees of heaviness in their accent. It's part of the world I live in. But that's me -- I suspect the same is not true for the majority of people. That being said, I still had a hard time understanding this guy. I'm (pretty) sure that he was technically capable of his job, but if I, as the customer, can't understand him, that pretty much invalidates the service he's capable of performing.

I have nothing against people that don't speak fluent English - I actually find some languages really cool to listen to, Spanish being one of them (and Mia Rose's Portuguese as well), but don't put them on the front line of customer contact if they are not able to communicate with the customers.

Just my rant for the day I guess... Tomorrow - The drivers that cut me off by turning left in the "outside" lane and then cutting me off to get into to the "inside" lane to get on the expressway...

O Rings

I love it when my kids help with the grocery list... When my wife consolidated the lists from the fridge, she copied it assuming that I had written it (is my handwriting THAT close to a seven-year-old?!). When I questioned her on it, we both had a laugh when I told her he meant "oranges." :-)

Apple Fanboy out another 800 clams!

Some people...

…are so clueless they don't even know that they're clueless.

Boo!

My wife helps out at the school by recording kids' names and giving them "Hall Passes" when they come in late in the morning. There is one kindergartener who is notoriously late. When she asks his name, he replies "Gregory." "Last name?" "Boo." Uh, ok. So she writes Gregory Boo on the sign in sheet. Then she writes Gregory Boo on his nametag / hall pass. Then she moves on to the next child in line.

This goes on for a couple of weeks. Then today, as they are recording the name in the online attendance program (by teacher), they see that his name is Gregory, but Boo is not his last name. Apparently his mom, likely, calls him "Gregory Boo" as a nickname. He thought Boo was his last name :-)

My wife's first cat used to be called Pierre No! All of our cats must be related. They all have the same last name... And it's not OUR last name :-)

The Mp3 Experiment - Seven

Have any of you ever participated in anything like this? I think it would be fun. My daughter tried to pull something together a flash mob dance on the last day of school last year (she even got permission from the principal), but alas, it was not to be. She couldn't get everyone together to practice :-(

Now what?

Copyright 2010

Unless someone else has thought of this, I hereby copyright this idea... :-)

There are many sites on the web that allow you to create "Ransom Note" style text where each letter you use is presented in a different font, or substituted with a different picture representing that alphabetic character. My idea expands on that a little (but significant) bit.

My idea is to replace whole words (where possible) instead of the individual characters, but by using images of signs from each specific locality. For instance, if someone was to type "Come see our Saturday Performance at 12345 Mainstreet, 10 o'clock am" and tag the location as Detroit-area, each of the words would be replaced with the image of that word from a picture taken somewhere around Detroit. The images would be crowd-sourced like the Human Clock site after being seeded with some Creative Commons images.

• Obviously not all words would be available, especially at the start of the project, so when that happens, the word would be replaced by random letters for each character, though still from local pictures where possible.
• Logos, recognizable signs, etc would all be fodder for the collection.
• The images should be able to be submitted by anyone, but would need to be moderated.
• Submitter should specify which word/letter they are submitting.
• Submitter should be able to cropthe image upon upload so that it isolates the intended area.
• Submitted images should be commonly sized.
• File formats should be restricted.
• Multiples for each would would be allowed and encouraged to provide more randomness.
• A needs list could be presented based on the most common words.
• A needs list could include the ones that are being used that we need to replace with characters instead.
• Users of the site would be allowed to specify a metro area or allow images from the global catalog of images.
• Once presented with a refined image, the user would be able to refresh for a new set of images if desired.
• The final image should be presented to the user as a single image for download.

Any code hackers out there that want to take a shot at this?

What you seek is what you find?

I remember when I got my first car. From the moment I drove it off the lot, it seemed like every other car that I passed on the street was the exact same model and color. I know that the ratio of cars like the one I had just bought did not suddenly increase geometrically. But it was my perception that was exactly what had happened. It was on the top of my mind, so that's what I saw.

A couple of months ago, our neighborhood started a neighborhood watch program. A pretty run down mall in the immediate area has been recently renovated (actually torn down and completely rebuilt), and the increased traffic, and someone's initial initiative helped kick start the program. We actually live in one of the safest cities in the country for our size, but as the economy continues to struggle we're starting to see the impact a little more as the crime level creeps north a bit.

Some law enforcement assistance, education, a few signs and we were official. The intention was to make sure that we were all looking out for each other. Increased awareness is good for everyone.

As just something interesting to do, I decided to create a map on Google Maps to keep track of any issues that came up. I plot the date and incident on the neighborhood grid. Nothing fancy, not even anything particularly useful, but something for me to do. Thankfully, we've not had many incidents, but I'm questioning whether we've even had any more than we used to. Now that we're watching for, and more importantly communicating about any incidents that do occur, I know that there is a level of "you see what you look for" going on. There is certainly more crime in our neighborhood than I knew about before, but I'm not sure that nay of it is due to the increased shopping traffic.

I think it's a great thing to learn about things that go on around you. I think it's a great thing to be aware of what's going on around you. Whether the neighborhood watch is preventing crime or not, I can't tell, but it does make you aware. And maybe any ne're-do-wells might go somewhere else if they see our signs. Not the solution, but one step at a time.

Olivia Newton-John redone...

I remember listening to "Let's Get Physical" when I was much younger, but everything old is new again nowadays. With the inclusion of Let's Get Physical in a recent Glee episode, the song has found a whole new group of fans. Included in that group are my two sons. Well, kinda. They like the tune, but decided it needed to be updated a bit. On their own, they decided to rewrite [part of] it as Let's Get Digital. The chorus has been completed, but they still need to finish each of the verses. When they sing the "digital" part of the chorus, they vibrate their throat with their fingers to give a warbling effect; it adds so much to the song :-)

When they finish the whole thing I'll try to get them to record it and I'll post it here.

Whew!

OK, I just need to vent a little. I was working last night on a printing solution for my kid's computer (trying to get the DropBox hack to work) . I was working too late, I'm sure. SOMEHOW, in my midnight wisdom, I decided that I needed to "unshare" the Shared folder. I was thinking that I was cleaning up my previous attempt to create a home network on Windows XP, but my Home edition doesn't even support it... blah, blah, blah... Anyway, when my wife came down this morning we discovered that, go figure, we couldn't get to the Shared folders -- WHERE WE STORE ALL THE PICTURES AND MUSIC WE WANT TO SHARE ACROSS ALL USERS OF THE COMPUTER! Wonder how that happened ...

ACCESS DENIED! Even as the administrator! Uh Oh... I feebly tried a few things before I had to run off to work, but no luck. On top of that, our ISP was kaput this morning for about an hour -- which I thought, of course, was also caused by my tinkering... I felt really bad -- sorry Honey :-(

An exhaustive search this afternoon between meetings and tasks yielded absolutely nothing valuable. I had some things to try, but wasn't confident in them. I was starting to sweat. I had backed up the pictures and music fairly recently, but an automated backup is still on my to do list.

I got home this evening and went to work on trying to work my way out of a jam. Nothing was working... In the end, it was a post from 2005, about Adobe, that led me to the solution I needed. A solution that there was no way in HECK I would've come up with on my own. But it worked and guess what I'm doing right now... BACKING UP!

How long has it been since you've backed up your important stuff? Pictures? Documents? Music? Tax info? Favorites? Actually, I don't even do that anymore since it's generally so easy to find something again -- either the site you were looking for (that you had bookmarked) or something even better. I have my Chrome synch'd for the few bookmarks and bookmarklets that I use, and that's it for those.

Anyway, I'm still trying to get the DropBox script working (the kids can simply drop their homework in a folder on their desktop and it will automatically print from the main computer), but I'm still holding out a little hope...

PMS

Just heard what this means... Pissed at Men Syndrome :-)

source: movie, Last Song

Lest there be any doubt...

I am NOT smarter than a 5th grader. Well, that might not be technically true. Maybe I should say 7th grader. No wait. She didn't get it either. I should say that I'm not smarter than some one on my wife's internet buddy list. That much would be true at least.

I called my wife on the way home from work and was confronted with a math problem that she was trying to help my daughter with. It had to do with solving the following equation for a:

a(2x+3) = 9x+12 -x. I got the right answer, but I couldn't show my work. Even the Wizard of the Internet didn't provide an exact answer. It may have provided the answer if we'd dug a little, but nothing came up in the one box :-)

I had the right idea, but couldn't complete my train of thought. I guess that's the first thing to go ... the mind? Maybe that's 'cuz once the mind goes it can't realize what else is already going as well.

Anyway, back to the ice cream story. No wait. Math! Yeah, that's it.

My wife used her own little "Wizard of the Internet" -- the collection of friends she met on-line when she was pregnant with our daughter that have stayed together on an on-line bulletin board. People from all over the world and, apparently with mad math skills. Within a few minutes she had the answer to our problem - factor out a 4 from the right side (after combining the x values). Once we did that, all became clear.

Maybe there is some value in the "social network." Speaking of which, has anyone see that movie - The Social Network? I missed the free screening that I saw on Film Metro. I'm not a Facebook user (I know... I know), but the movie has been getting pretty good reviews.

Are You Feelin' Lucky?

I feel lucky when I get a parking spot right at the entrance at work. I feel lucky when I get to be the last one through a yellow light. I feel lucky when there is still enough left in the checkbook each week. I've got NOTHING on these people. They are TRULY lucky...

You CAN take it with you...

I've been listening to NPR int the car recently. On the radio, but also on podcasts. My car allows me to listen to them via a USB stick, so a lot of the stories and programs that I miss because of my drive time are available via podcast, so I downloaded the most recent one (as an MP3 file) and took them with me.

I didn't know exactly which series would interest me so I just grabbed a bunch that seemed like they might be interesting - mostly science and technology. I heard about a couple of things that were really cool -- a vision test done with any smart phone (to go along with the really inexpensive glasses aimed at developing countries) and a digital stethoscope smart phone app that performs even better than their much pricier options.

I really like being able to listen to what I want to listen to when I want to listen. I've subscribed to the ones I like via iTunes at home, but we'll see how often I listen there. Time will tell.

FINALLY!

This is EXACTLY the what I've been looking for! Anyone looking for a Christmas present for me? :-)

I've always wanted something like this. Maybe if I'd had this on today I would've captured the JERK that cut me off on the way home.

FREE Admission on 9/25 - You are invited to Smithsonian magazine's Museum Day

Get your free ticket now while you can! Locations available all over the US (and Even Puerto Rico if you're planning to travel!) Have Fun! Learn something! Experience it!

Now THAT's some MAD driving skills!

There's an app for that too?

Hiroshima anniversary

I meant to publish this last month on the August 6th anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima, but for some reason I got distracted and it never got out. It's an important post so I decided to publish it anyway. Better late than never.

I pray that neither we, nor our kids, nor their descendants beyond them ever see any more pictures of mushroom clouds or the devastation caused by atomic (or nuclear) explosions except in archives like those published by Tampa Bay.com to remind us of that sad day.

Speaking of School... Know anyone with a Doctorate?

OK, so you know someone with a doctorate, but do you know what that means? If they haven't' told you already, check out this site that explains exactly what a Doctorate is... You might consider yourself even more lucky.

Back to school humor for/from moms

For those of you sending your rugrats off to school today...

Misconception Number 1: Moms miss their kids when they go back to school.

Seriously. I’ve had enough of you by now. Every morning with the “what are we going to do today, Mom?” is finally over. I’ve had looked at your face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days. It’s time to go learn something.

No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It’s over….You’re going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again.

There is a Christmas morning for parents and it’s called “back to school”.

Misconception Number 2: Moms like to go school shopping.

Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes?…so I can rack up a 200 dollar bill

at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why does it have to be new pencils? What’s wrong with the chewed up, broken strawberry shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom

of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need?

What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic. If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn’t mind so much….why not pencils, erasers and vodka…..or some Nyquil.

Misconception Number 3: Moms like back to school night.

Why must we do this every year? I got it already. You’re the teacher…I’m the parent. My kid is either going to be smart or dumb. If he gets a certain number or colored dot on his discipline chart, he can’t get a prize from the prize box.

Pretty simple stuff. Listen, I’m pretty old school. If he doesn’t listen to you…you can throw something at him. I don’t care.

But I got a lot of work to do at home and I’m paying a babysitter right now. Plus, I’m pretty sure you are going to assign some project on wigwams made by some Indian tribe I’ve never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research. So, I got it. We're all here for the betterment of our kids.

Blah blah blah.

Misconception Number 4: Moms like school paperwork.

How many trees are you planning on killing to tell me the same stuff I had to

pay a babysitter to listen to the other night? You know our name, where we live and our emergency phone numbers. He doesn’t have a nickname….call him “stinkbutt” for all I care.

We don’t have any “special circumstances” that you need to know about.

He lives in a home with two parents who may or may not like each other at any given time and they will fight.

If that qualifies as a reason he can’t get his homework done on time then he won’t be able to function as an adult and have a real job so you may want to “educate” him on that life lesson.

Misconception Number 5: Moms like covering books in that annoying sticky paper.

What exactly will you be doing with these books that I have to cover them in a plastic laminate? Do you often teach in the rain? Or while the children are drinking soda and eating soup?

Do you know how long that takes? Has any parent in the history of education been able to do it without any air bubbles in it?

From now on I’m covering it the old way…brown paper bags. That way I can cover the books and pack their lunches at that same time. Who says moms can’t multitask?

PS. Please tell my son if he can’t find his lunch to look in his science book.

Misconception Number 6: Moms like helping you with your homework.

What? I am scared out of my mind. I’m pretty sure that I forgot everything I learned in fifth grade by the time I was in sixth grade. I have no idea what you are talking about most days. I don’t really know my 12 times tables,

I read the cliff notes to all your summer reading and I don’t know how to conjugate anything.

But I do know that song “conjuction junction what’s your function” if that helps at all.

And please don’t even say the words “new math” to me. What the heck was wrong the old one?

Misconception Number 7: Moms can’t wait to pack your lunch every day until we die.

I hate doing laundry. Making dinner every night is the bane of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of “mom fun”, lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs teeth

and scheduling my annual pap smear. Listen, as a child I hated what my mom packed me for lunch. But, like every kid before me, and every generation to come you will find a kid to trade with…I’m sure someone likes sardines.

Misconception Number 8: Moms love after school activities.

I don’t know who made up this idea of organized clubs and sports but they should be the ones in charge of carting your ass around. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against all after school programs. I just wish they would offer it

during hours that would work best for me so that dinner wasn’t at 8:30 at night followed by 4 hours of homework.

Why not do it on the weekends and call it “after-hours activities” so mommy and daddy could actually go out one night and pretend that we have a life of our own. Don’t worry about us though I’m sure that me and “what’s his name” will be married a very long time.

Misconception Number 9: Moms don’t mind taking you to school if you miss the bus.

Your bus comes at 7:10 am….which means that you should be standing by the door at 7:05 am. Not eating breakfast,chasing the dog around the house or in the bathroom, asking me to check your homework while I’m taking a shower.

Get it together! I don’t like running down the street in my jammies at 7:12 screaming “Please wait” or “If you stop I’ll show you my boobies.”

Misconception Number 10: Moms cry on your first day of school

We do cry but they are tears of joy. I have done my job. I have successfully kept a human child alive for at least 5 years without doing any major damage. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world!! Sure, doctors save lives and CEO’s run million dollar-businesses but…you teach a kid not to poop their pants and then you can say you’ve made the world a better place.”

Wedding Invitations

My brother got married last weekend (congrats guys!). The family and I went to Chicago to witness the nuptials and had a great time with the happy couple and other family. The invitation and details about the wedding were delivered (and updated) via a blog site that they set up. It was very unique and creative -- fitting for two that met at a science camp.

I came across another site recently that has some other examples of creative wedding invitations. My own wedding invitations were much more along the traditional lines, but each of them, traditional or creative contemporary, offer the couple a way to share their special day with those that they love. We're glad we were included in the Chicago festivities! :-)

Looking for something?

When I look for something on the Internet, I usually start with Google. Within a few seconds I can usually find anything I'm looking for. Sometimes that's not fast enough though. Now Google offers Real Time Search. You type in a search term, and it updates automatically for you as it finds new matches. They've had this feature on the main search page as a section of the results when they felt appropriate, but now you can make it the whole results page. No need to refresh the page. The new results just appear out of thin air!

This is not something to use for finding out the name of the bands that played at the original Woodstock, but is better suited for keeping an eye on public opinion about your company, a competitor, breaking news, etc.

Lots more useful features on the site too! Kinda cool.

Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2014

The wise people at Beloit College have once again released their Mindset list as students return to college this year. Designed to remind professors how old and out of touch they really are...no wait, Designed to help understand the "cultural touchstones that shape the lives of students entering college this fall," the list has been published since 1998.

A sample...

14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.

18. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.

36. Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones.

51. Food has always been irradiated.