Stranger Danger

OK, I know that nobody ever said parenting was going to be easy. It's all about balance, love, nurturing, caring, and getting you back for what you put your own parents through.

We've tried very hard with our kids to make sure that they're nice, respectful, caring, friendly, intelligent, polite, loving, out-going, aware, confident individuals. We've been working for years on that part. Now, in one afternoon, I feel like we may have gone too far. My "out little abduction risk" comment a few posts ago has come way too close to home.

My daughter has a soft spot for animals and a general "all people are kind" attitude. Both of those are very admirable traits. Traits that we've tried to instill in her. But... While out on the playground at school the other day, she saw a little white poodle by the fence and went over to pet it and to play with it. The dog was on the other side of the fence that surrounds the school yard. While engaging this puppy the owner came over to talk to my daughter and her friends that had joined her. This particular woman had some kind of handicap that probably helped to allay any sense of fear my daughter might have had, though there's no evidence that she had any to begin with. (She's pretty good about ignoring people's handicaps all together).

When my daughter told my wife this story on Monday night, my wife reminded her about talking to strangers, and that she should should not have any further contact with the dog or the woman.

My daughter is a 4th grader, though. So... Tuesday, she went right back to the dog, and the woman, again. When we found out that she had disobeyed us (and her teacher who had backed us up), we got a little steamed. This woman, living by an elementary school should know better. It's a shame, but in this day and age, if we don't know you, and you're not part of the school, stay away from my children, well-meaning or not.

Angry at our daughter. Angry at the woman who should know better. Angry at the school for letting this happen (apparently the school monitor said it was OK as long as they stayed on this side of the fence, never mind the safety this precedence sets that might allow someone to lure them over to the woods where there is a break in the fence). Angry at myself (I'll only speak for me on this one) for not doing a good enough job of "training" my daughter to be careful.

We had a long talk with her, in appropriate terms, about the bad things that could happen -- about kidnapping, about being hurt or killed, about not being able to see her family again, about how sad we'd be if we couldn't give her kisses at night. We reiterated that we make rules to protect her and others, and that the rule to stay away from strangers was to protect her from those dangers. We wanted to scare her since nothing else seemed to be working. My wife told her about Elizabeth Smart, and how it wasn't just a man, but his wife who was in on the kidnapping -- that women can be bad people too.

Then we got the real shocker -- this woman had given the girls candy! The very trick called out in all of the "stranger danger" discussions we've had, she's seen on TV, and they've talked about in schools, etc. and my daughter TOOK IT! To our relief she chose not to eat it and I took it out of her backpack and threw it away.

The principal has been informed and my daughter said that she didn't see the dog or the woman at the fence today.

How sad is it that it's come to this? How do you raise kids that are friendly when they meet someone new -- they're gonna meet thousands of people in their life; you don't want them to be an outcast recluse -- and yet, wary enough to remain safe. How do you balance that "be friendly and polite" mandate with the "don't talk to strangers" mandate?! How?! Tell me!