Erase this!

I had the opportunity to hear a couple of very dynamic speakers this past weekend. Each told stories in their own style and I connected with their voices in different ways. The second speaker left something with me that I wanted to share here though.

The story was a quick little one-off in the hour-long talk. It occurred at the end. It was part of the overall story she was telling, but somehow seemed disconnected. There was something about this 60 seconds that hit home though.

Forgive my paraphrasing. It's not nearly as engrossing when I try to tell it.

There was a student who was working on a school project and had to write the answer to a problem on a piece of paper. His teacher was standing over him while he was working this problem and after he had written his answer, the teacher told him that he was wrong and made him erase his response and re-work the problem. He did so and came up with another answer that he proceeded to write down. Again the teacher told him that the answer was not correct. He dutifully picked up his big pink eraser and erased the second answer as he had done before. A third time he tried and a third time he was told he was incorrect. When he erased the answer this time the paper began to fall apart. Too much abrasion from the eraser had taken its toll on the paper and it ripped where the previous answers had been written.

All too often we correct someone to the point of tearing the paper. Once that paper is torn, you can't put it back together. You can tape it. You can write elsewhere on it. But it's never the same. Never as strong. Never as pretty or as pristine. The same can be said of relationships. If you are constantly trying to "correct" someone else, constantly trying to "change the answer", eventually the paper is going to rip and the relationship will never be the same. Instead of erasing and changing, how about appreciating the effort and working together to a common goal or answer so that the eraser leaves but dust that is blown away and forgotten instead of a path of destruction in its wake.

I need to remember this while helping my kids with their homework. I think that this ties into a post I've been waiting to write about the difference between common sense and domain sense. I'll work on that one soon.