= = = = = = = = ?!

Raising three children is tough, but it's a real joy. I've learned A LOT about life just by being around my kids. They are exposed to things, do things, think about things, read about things and enjoy things that I never thought of when I was their age (at least that I remember). Occasionally they even learn things from me. One thing that I'm really struggling with right now, though, is equality.

My oldest two were born pretty close (13 days short of a year apart -- I'm told that qualifies as "Irish Twins"). As they grew, my wife and I tried really hard to treat them equally. We didn't want one of them to get a new toy, or get to do something special, if the other one couldn't as well. If one got to spend the night at Grandma's, the other one had to be able to as well. If one got to stay up a little later watching a movie, the other one was allowed to as well. Perhaps that wasn't the right thing to do, but it seemed only fair.

There were a few things that the younger of the two had to defer a little because of age, but developmentally they were so close, it seemed like we were almost punishing the younger if they didn't get to enjoy the same things.

It doesn't matter what the topic, the region of the world, the media -- it seems like everyone is looking for equality. "They got this so we should too." "They are allowed to do this so we should be able to as well." That's the problem, though. It's a sense of entitlement. That's not always possible, nor is it always the right thing to do.

We're focusing on the wrong things. Let's shift our focus from equality to fairness. Instead of allowing someone to do the same thing that someone else is allowed to do, focus on an equivalent, fair alternative. That eliminates the monotony of the event. It allows each to grow independently on their own, as opposed to in the shadow of whoever got the first reward. It allows them to shine in their own space. It shows them that things are not always better just because other people are doing it (this will help with the even harder battles with peer pressure they'll face later in life).

Instead of focusing on equality, balance the scales with fairness. (Now about that "Life's not always fair" quote...)